


107. beyond the veil

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [85]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 20:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8116264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: Helena comes back in the middle of the afternoon, unceremoniously.





	

Helena comes back in the middle of the afternoon, unceremoniously. One second Sarah is sitting on Felix’s couch, trying to figure out how to get into the DYAD, and the next second a faint heatwave-version of her sister is sitting on the couch next to her.

_Hello, sister_ , says Helena’s ghost, and Sarah leaps off the couch.

“What the hell,” she says. Helena stares at her patiently. “What the _hell_.”

_You shot me_ , Helena says. _I’m dead_.

“I’m losing my mind,” Sarah whispers. She pivots on one foot and marches away from the couch, shuts her eyes so tightly it hurts. Opens them. Spins back around. Helena is still sitting there, wearing Sarah’s shirt, so faint Sarah can see all the way through her. Sarah wants to punch her; it’s funny that this isn’t an instinct she had until after it was too late.

“Get out,” she says.

“Go,” she says.

“You’re not real,” she says. “Go.”

_I can’t_ , Helena says. _I tried_. _They wouldn’t take me._ She stands up, float-walks towards Sarah. _Part of my soul is still—_ her hand hovers over Sarah’s chest. _Here_.

“No it’s not,” Sarah says.

Helena just stares at her sadly. _I came back for you_ , she says. _I cannot hurt you, sister. I wouldn’t try. You’re safe from me. Isn’t that what you wanted?_

“I wanted you gone,” Sarah says, but she sounds unconvincing. Even to herself. “I don’t regret it,” she says, and that doesn’t sound any better.

_We can be a family like this_ , Helena says, very seriously. Her eyes are solemn on Sarah’s. _I can’t hurt you, or Kira, or anyone. You don’t have to touch me. But – we can be together. Family._

Sarah just shakes her head. Helena shivers, once, with horrible fury. Her hands form fists. She inhales and exhales shakily, even though Sarah doubts she needs to breathe.

_I won’t leave you_ , she says.

Sarah doesn’t answer her.

\--

Helena is true to her word: she does not go. She watches Sarah put on Cosima’s eyeliner, she watches Sarah try to shoot Rachel – _aim to her left, a little more, good, go for the glass_ – and she watches Sarah run desperately from place to place searching for Kira.

She lingers over Sarah’s shoulder when Sarah explains everything to Art.

“She was my sister,” she says, staring into the glass of whiskey Art poured her as she sits in his apartment and slowly explains everything. “And I killed her. ‘Cause I had to.”

“Shit,” Art says.

“Yeah!” Sarah says, choking on a hysterical laugh. “Shit.” She downs the glass.

_I know_ , Helena says softly, _that you regret it. It’s okay. You can be sad about it._

“I don’t,” Sarah says. “You can piss off.”

“What?” Art says.

“Nothing,” Sarah says, and it’s true.

\--

Helena sits by Sarah’s feet as Sarah crashes on Art’s couch. Sarah can’t sleep at the thought of Helena glowing, even though she isn’t glowing at all. Her brain keeps tricking herself into thinking that Helena is shining like light through watery glass. She’s not, though. Sarah can see right through her.

_When I was twelve_ , Helena says. _I shot a puppydog. One bullet. Right through the skull. It twitched for a while, on the ground, and then it died. I said it didn’t feel pain, but_ (she shrugs) _I lied_.

“Stop,” Sarah says. She rolls over so her back is to Helena, but somehow that’s worse. She can feel Helena there. Ominous. Brontide.

_Sometimes we do things_ , Helena says to her. _And we have to do them. But that doesn’t mean there’s no pain, Sarah._

“You would have hurt everyone I loved,” Sarah tells her, and she realizes with a shock of horror that she’s crying.

_Maybe_ , Helena says quietly. _Maybe not_. _You can say maybe-yes, if that makes it easier. But who knows. Maybe-no_.

“Helena?” Sarah says, voice very small.

_Yes,_ sestra _?_

“I lied. Earlier.”

_I know_.

“I do.”

_I know that also._

“Don’t go.”

_I won’t._

There should be more words, better words, but there aren’t. There is only this: Sarah lying there with her back turned to her ghost, holding her breath and waiting to fall asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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